Time flies

I can’t believe it’s been six years since we published advice to parents on how to deal with the list of demands children make at Christmas. You can re-read it here 

Hopefully over the years that advice has saved our Alumni mums and dads an utter fortune (no invoices to cover the advice, all part of the service. If you don’t understand the advice you should book onto one of our excellent courses).

I now intend to give the advice to kids on how to maximise their Christmas List, partly to even the score, but as Sun Tzsu said in his excellent treatise “The Art Of War” “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles”. Parents take heed.

Now, we all know that kids are the ultimate opponents as negotiators, their instinct for the deal and ability to seek out value makes them the ultimate adversary. Maybe this advice will never reach their ears, but I suspect they will act on it by reflex alone.

Once mum and dad have asked you what you want for Christmas (in itself a foolish move, I’m always reluctant to ask the other side to make the first proposal), start to set out your stall.

Make a list. Check it twice. Make it long enough that if you get it all you’ll be very happy (if a little surprised) and deliver it with love and a big kiss. It never does any harm to start pulling on the heartstrings. Emotional scene setting if you will.

Now is the time for patience.

Take your time. Use the distance between now and Christmas (maybe the week before, don’t leave it till the shops have shut) to drive all of your demands one by one. Should you start with the one you want most? Possibly. Judgement call. But use this time to ask if Santa will bring me a PlayStation, horse, trampoline, etc one by one and record the answer. Make sure you write it down.

Over a period, try to get as many items agreed for your Pillowcase as you can. If you get rejected or told to ask your mother, do not be disheartened. Wait until you’ve bagged as many as possible. Now comes the hard part.

Take a look at the list of agreed stuff. Is it enough?

If not start the concession attack. “Dad if I eat all my sprouts, then can I get X?” “Mum if I clean out the hamster cage can I have Y?” That might just bag you a couple of extra gifts.

If it is enough, is it the right stuff? If you swap the Mickey Mouse socks for a Super Soaker water pistol would that be better for you?

Once the list is pretty much there and you are happy with it, always have a few items as backups to close this baby down and get a bit extra. Selection boxes are always a good idea right?

All you must do now is sit back and await the big day.

“Boom” as my colleague and negotiation expert Robin Copland used to say.

Lists of demands are common in many negotiation scenarios, be they at Christmas or not, and creates a strategic challenge for both the makes and receivers. How to drive them or receive them might make all the difference to the outcome.

Merry Christmas one and all.