Broken Record

Déjà vu is a funny thing. After 5 weeks of Donald Trump being back as the President of the United States, we are becoming familiar with waking up in the morning, reading the news and learning (yet again) that Trump is the top story and has taken another extreme position on something. It’s gotten to be so much that last week BBC News provided a ’19 things Trump has done this week’ summary.

Some people I know have switched off from the news for a while. And if you have as well, you might be pleased to know this blog isn’t about Trump.

Instead, I suspect many of you may recognise a feeling of déjà vu in a different way when negotiating, particularly when it’s not going well and you’re at a stalemate. You’re trying to win the same arguments or asking the same questions, but you’re going around in circles and getting nowhere.

In other words, it feels like a bit of a broken record. You might even go as far as to say the record is truly broken at times of despair! Everyone is doing a lot of arguing and very little negotiating.

Arguments can often be unintentional, where those involved get drawn in innocently and without intent. However, often it is a deliberate strategy; to draw you into an argument intentionally, knowing that the longer it takes the more the pressure goes up, particularly if there is a deadline and there is a previous precedent set. And when negotiators are under pressure, particularly time pressure, they are more likely to give in to demands, both reasonable and unreasonable.

And if you give in, then guess what? The other party will use the same strategy again and again until you do something about it.

Recognising as quickly as possible that you have been drawn into an argument, and that it doesn’t suit your objective and strategy, is a good start. And the best advice is the simplest advice: keep your discipline, avoid letting yourself get drawn in and respond like for like, which I’ll admit is a lot easier said than done. But remember this: it may suit them more to argue and delay; and if it does, might it be a deliberate strategy on their part to put you under pressure and get all of what they want without giving you much in return?

If it’s happening repeatedly with the same parties, or you are facing a deadline that would be costly for you to miss, then it’s probably deliberate and you need to do something to break the cycle. On top of keeping your discipline, there are a few things you could do, but by far the best option is to make a proposal, or if you have to, ask the other side what they want. If there is a proposal on the table, and it’s credible and realistic, you are automatically making progress towards an agreement.

And lastly, for now, remember that old habits die hard. If those you negotiate with are used to getting away with deliberate delay tactics, then it will take time to break that habit. Just because you try to break the cycle today doesn’t mean they won’t try the same tactics again tomorrow. But keep your discipline, keep doing what you can to break the habits and ultimately you will be rewarded over time.